怎样才是恰到好处的“心中有他人”?

作者:张庆祥讲师

怎样才是恰到好处的“心中有他人”?  学生问:讲师您教导我们要“心中有他人”,可是我们会经常听到“我为你做了那么多,你都不领情”或“拜托!我不需要你的好”这样的话,请问什么叫真正的“心中有他人”和成人成己呢?谢谢!

  张讲师答:首先,帮助一个人不能企求任何回报。

  其次,即使你心中有他人,但如果不懂得做得恰到好处,那就会过犹不及了。

  比如对人太好了,而且是在没有必要的时候对人太好,这种助人的心不仅毫无价值,有时反而会令人厌烦。

  那么怎么样才算是心中有他人呢?你会说心中有他人就是“为人好”啊,那怎样叫做“为人好”呢?

  简单的说,你提供的帮助从长远来看,会让人们更健康、更独立、更开朗、更有品格、更友善,那这种帮助就是可以做的。但如果你帮了一个人,却是让他更依赖、让他更没有品格、让他更不健康、让他更自私,那这种情况就不必去帮人了。

  比如说在办公室里面,你看到有一个人要去倒一杯水,然后你对他说:“啊,我来帮你倒。”这算是心中有他人吗?不算的,这叫没事找事!为什么你要帮他倒呢?他不能自己去倒吗?你能帮他倒一辈子吗?还是你帮他倒了这杯水之后,他以后能更独立?更有品格?甚至你帮他倒几次之后,他会不会就当随便,以后他会不会对你说:“喂,你今天怎么不帮我倒水?”这种帮助算是对他有帮助吗?这只能叫瞎帮吧!

  因此,心中有他人不是自甘当别人的仆人,也不是毫无意义地去帮别人服务,而是心中怀着对人的善意,时时给人方便。

  你当然可以在他最需要帮助的时候帮他一把,但更要懂得从长远来看,你的帮助要能树立他的品格,要能让他在身心方面都会更好,这样帮助人才有价值。

  盲目的帮人,不只是在帮倒忙,还会自取其辱的!

——来自电子报第三百三十八期

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